Hunting With the Wrong Weapon

New Iowan's Beware: Truths about your state.

1. There are currently 8 gazillion deer roaming around Iowa.

2. As a new citizen, you will become aware that deer are not only pretty to look at, but they are also a driving hazard. While initially you will be somewhat nonchalant about this risk, as you begin seeing many deer laying on the side of the road, hearing of deer-related accidents and roll-overs, you will grow to be extra cautious, and over-concerned regarding these animals and your vehicle.

3. You will slowly become used to seeing small herds of deer crossing the road, grazing in fields, standing in ditches, eating your garden. (Take heart, they only eat things that are green and not surrounded by a ten-foot fence.)

4. Some experienced Iowan's will tell you to invest in these state-of-the-art whistles which adhere (with high-tech tape) to your car. You will hurriedly drive to your local supply store and buy said whistles and begin to drive with greater confidence.

5. These whistles do not work. Even when you have four (instead of the recommended two) attached to your car.

6. If they do in fact work, there also happen to be suicidal deer, who come a-runnin' when they hear the aforementioned whistles.

7. Deer are bigger than you imagine. They look small, cute, graceful even as they graze in the fields. But when they run in front of your car, you realize that they are VERY large. Looming, even. (And those are the does).

8. When you run into one of these large animals, keep driving. Don't stop and survey damage because you will be on a country road, with possibly one headlight and no street lamps, in the middle of the night. Keep driving home, because once you stop you might learn that your car has performed some type of automotive acrobatics and the radiator is punctured or your battery is squished into your fanbelt, and you won't be able to start it again.

9. You will be thankful for the comprehensive insurance on your car that you contemplated dropping earlier in the year.

We are fine, although I cannot say the same for the deer we hit last night. I was driving and Ryan was in his carseat. The deer was pretty crafty, hiding stealthily in the wide, deep ditch until the exact moment when I topped the small hill and was making my way down. He decided to make his move, quickly but not quick enough. I was able to hit the brakes and avoid hitting him at 60mph, thankfully.

I was only about four miles from home and was able to keep driving until I arrived at home, shaking but still in one whole, unbruised piece. Ryan is fine, too (although I am not sure my post-accident jittering didn't give him a bit of whiplash). The car didn't stop hissing for about 15 minutes after we got home, which leads us to believe there might be some "internal" damage done to the car. We are in the middle of figuring out what to do with the car, since it might be totalled or it may just need repair work (lots, and lots, of repair work).

10. You can buy a $10 roadkill tag in the event you do run into a deer, and would like to keep it for the "good meat".

11. At all costs, avoid telling your husband WHERE the deer was hit when he mentions this piece of trivia.